there is something dangerous about waking up randomly in the middle of the night, then not being able to fall back asleep, then just thinking too much. it doesn't help that everybody in my wee house is snoring away, even my 3 dogs. *sigh* so off i go with the company of my overactive brain which should probably be engaging in some REM action rather than reminiscing and regretting....tonight's random thought ran the theme of "picking up where i left off." i thought about a few things that i've left off kind of high and dry; friends, blogs, and travel plans. unfortunately, these thoughts made me feel a little unhappy maybe because in my heart, i probably wished the outcome was a little different.
i have a friend who i knew since high school. we were pretty close and i always pictured her in my wedding. about 10ish years ago, we had a falling out over some "you-are-not-being-supportive-to-me" kind of shit and we ended up never ever calling each other ever again and it's been like 10 years. i still think of her a lot. i think my nature is rather pit-bullish and once i hang on, it's hard to shake it off so thinking about her is hard to shake off. i'm sure i can try to contact her again and see how it goes from there, but i know i don't really want to because I JUST DON'T. i miss her.
i run two blogs, one food related and this one, my one and only shallow love. goodness. once in a while, i would click on old posts i've written and it will literally transport me back to the exact time and the exact feelings i had when i wrote it. not to mention that i crack myself up because i think i'm so funny, haha. through the years, i felt i neglected my bagnatic blog more and more because of life, because of the economy (and feeling paranoid about who knows what's in my closet and who's reading it), and because i have this really weird fixation about posting my life in order. like, ok, so i wrote about the first part of my pre-moon (but didn't finish part 2), then naturally i should post about my wedding after that, etc...and since i didn't do those, it was hard for me to write about other things. isn't that odd? i am odd. i am truly to the core, a blogger. i compose posts in my head all the time, but lately i've failed to execute them. i really need to carve out more time to be who i am on a platform like this. after all, for a very long time, blogging was my first love or maybe it was my bags....ok both.
i wish my husband and i traveled a little more, together i mean. i traveled internationally a whole hecka a lot in my 20s but with him, not so much. i blame it on our collection of dogs which we gathered quite early on in our relationship. they are the little loves of my life and need to be fed and taken care of and it's hard to do that and be in france at the same time. sure, we can board them somewhere and then go, etc....but that takes a lot of time, money, and planning. regardless, we will need to go to france though whether now or a few years from now. and maybe back to hong kong too. the travel bug was dormant, but sometimes it still bites and when i look at my husband i think he would love to travel somewhere internationally, too.
life is kinda short to be feeling these regrets. and i still can't sleep damnit.
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