a goyard buffet

symptoms of the contagious and deadly goyard fever:

1) you get obsessed. you start spotting them wherever you go like a where's waldo book but in bag form. here's me spotting one and taking a spy pic when i was at a korean bbq restaurant exactly one year ago. lovely orange st. louis, you were a joy to spot....

2) then you start thinking about the bag style you want IF you were to ever get one of course. the ever popular ST. LOUIS tote is a favorite amongst both fabulous men and women. these bags are probably the most common amongst goyard fanatics and in my opinion, the most lovely and functional.

of course there are other bag styles like the saigon which can be seen carried by nicky hilton, kim kardashian, and dita von teese. the shape reminds me of a hermes kelly but the wooden handles makes me wanna wear a coconut bra while i tote it. the saigon looks extremely boxy to me and uber rigid and i'm just not a fan of the wood, leather, and canvas combination.

let's not forget the fabulous man purse, the murse, the MESSENGER BAG if you will. i'm sure women tote this, but i definitely see more men carrying it...and the design definitely lends itself to more masculine identities.

3) after you pick the bag, then you fantasize about the color you want. do you want a pop color? do you want to keep it simple? how much money do you want to spend?

black and red are the "stock" colors which means they are priced lower than the other colors for THE SAME EXACT BAG AND SIZE. so basically, the moral of that story is, you better love that color a lot for the extra $$$$ you will have to shell out. luckily, i was happy with black....but black with black trim or black with tan trim? ugh, this goyard buffet never ends....

when i modeled the st. louis at the store, it was obvious to me that the black and tan trim "popped." the contrasting trim brought your eyes to the bag and held you there whereas the black on black trim looked very one noted. let's just say, the all black bag will easily blend into your outfits. like this:

i also think this color combo is unisex and appeals to many men as well so if you mind seeing a dude toting your bag, then the black with black trim is probably too universal for you. just sayin.'

4) after figuring out the bag and the color, you get the option of personalizing your goyard! that means getting hand painted colored stripes going every which way and initials or symbols....for a few extra $$$$ of course, depending on the color and the number of letters you want.

i personally DO NOT enjoy that look. i know l.v. offers this service as well, but after reading goyard's disclaimer stating that the personalization MAY peel with use, it didn't seem like a worthwhile investment just to have something that may potentially look ratty after a period of time. so yes, i GET the idea of making a brand more personal, but i DON'T GET the peeling part especially when you're paying extra for it. that shit should stick permanently is what i'm thinking....

5) after going through steps 1-4 of this goyard fever, you come back to reality and start saving money for your first goyard! that's what i did and i am so happy with it! it is absolutely one of my favorite bags in my bagdrobe. so light, roomy, the ULTIMATE shlep bag people!

(fyi, the goyard st. louis is an easy fake to purchase. i see them all the time over the internet and for your peace of mind, i think if you want an authentic goyard, go through the boutique in s.f. or barney's...i have seen some pretty good fakes being sold through resellers claiming they were authentic when it's wasn't. buyers beware).

a pouchee in a purse for this bag whore

the bigger my bag, the longer it takes to dig things out of it like my wallet, keys, cell phone, my kitchen sink....until pouchee came to my rescue and sent me their outback pouchee in tan so i can give their product a test run.

the pouchee is a rather compact purse organizer and there are tons of compartments to take care of your credit cards and loose personal items, you know, the stuff that usually ends up knocking around the bottom of your cavernous purses. this particular leatherette look gives the product a hint of lux while the metal rings allow for easy transfer from said bag to another said bag. i don't personally use pouchee as a replacement wallet because i stuff my wallets like i stuff my bra so you know i need more space than this pouchee can offer, but it's useful to hold my other loose items.

i tried it in my chanel jumbo, but found the leatherette pouchee to be slightly sticky inside my chanel....

it definitely works a lot better in my bottega veneta which is huge and in need of some organizing.

a few days later, i was also sent a regular orange cotton pouchee to test that as well because i thought the leatherette might be slightly heavy and the last thing i needed was a heavy item for my already heavy bags. i was told that both materials weighed exactly the same, but in my head, the cotton one felt lighter...go figure.

after toting both for roughly 2 weeks, i find that i prefer the cotton pouchee so this orange cutie has found a permanent home in my marc by marc jacobs hillier hobo. here it is hanging around with a ton of other junk in my bag (i spy a micky d's arch...)

thanks to pouchee for organizing my mess! and lucky you, they're having a liquidation sale on their short strap pouchee so you can grab your own for $20. perhaps you can pick up a pouchee for your cavernous bags as well and become an organized diva just like me :0

bag on a bag

funny bag. i think the seller has various kinds of iconic bags printed on these totes. funny, cheap ways of getting a designer bag fix? a poke at luxury madness? i wonder if this is the only way i'll ever get a hermes birkin? if i do, then groceries will be going into this one.

don't deal me valentino

have you ever met a dealer who tries to hook you onto something else down the road? you know, like "hey baby, try some ecstasy. it'll make you feel good." then it becomes "hey baby, crack ain't whack. why don't you try some on me..." until you find yourself lying in a seedy hotel room faced down in your bile with heroin marks running up and down your arms....yeah, the pusher just pushed you over. ok, i've never done this before, but i have a good imagination.

anyways, another s.a. that i "deal" with only works with me on chanel and have sold me several chanel pieces...but every once in a while, she will send me emails trying to tempt me with another designer:

"Good morning bagnatic, I thought you might enjoy seeing the new Valentino that just arrived. It is very soft and feminine. If you are interested in any of these please give me a call. Thanks from the Pusher"

this time, she tried to push some valentino bags on me:

i don't mean to insult any of you valentino fans out there when i say this, but THESE BAGS ARE UGLY. how do you go from hot totty chanel to granny panties valentino? the ruffles are seasons old and prada has already done it. look s.a., you are cluttering my inbox with ugly bag pictures when i could have saved that space for emails that recommend that i "enlarge my penis" or "get same medz at better prices."

oogly.

MURSEy, MURSEy me!

men.

the evolution of men. you know, the ones with the twigs and berries.

they use to be so hairy and dirty back then. an animal skin to drape the junk was totally acceptable. no brushing, no combing, no flossing, no washing...*grunt, grunt* dirty was fine. dirty was IN.

then men got more refined. REALLY REFINED. helllloooooo metrosexual. they started to compete with women for the same services. facials, manis, pedis....COME ON NOW! i love me a clean man, but a girl-man i do not love. if you smell better than me, have softer skin, get facials, and shop more than i do, then i don't want to be with you. i would get too jealous. besides, wouldn't that make me a lesbian?

but ah, the MAN PURSE! ugh, methinks you are taking it too far! i was fine with the messenger bag because it still belonged in the back pack family because of its size....but when the satchel you carry sir looks way too purselike, that is unforgivable. that is sooooo, ugh, gay. but you claim you are not....

let's look at some purse toting dudes and make fun of them:

terrence howard. omg, that is a clutch. there's no attempt to even make it manly.

robert downey jr. too small to be considered a messenger bag. most definitely a murse. why rob why? and it totally clashes with your outfit.

seal and his murse. you don't look tough no mo'.

tom brady. that is clearly a shoulder bag. why don't you add some rhinestones tom!

bagnatic does not approve of murses. just another way for men to encroach on female territory is what i think. you?

the raging renaissance

on saturday, i was overwhelmed by an incredible urge to go medieval. did you guess renaissance faire?! ding, ding, ding, you are correct. a few friends and i drove our bums to irwindale to stare at a group of people stuck in time. the ladies there seemed to love it because they get to be wenches and flop their boobies around (shameful hussies) and the men just love any excuse to look like fabio with their billowy white pirate shirts (inner gay?).

methinks these bazookas are illegal in 40 states!

first things first...let's get grub was the battle cry!! there's something about attending a fair that makes you overeat. let me rephrase that. there's something about attending a fair that makes ME overeat. and overeat on bad stuff too. damn it! thank god i was wearing an empire waist dress because my expanded belly required coverage. apparently cheese squeezed out of a can was popular during the middle ages. boy did i feel robbed when i found that squirted on my food! can't believe i ate them anyways. *head hung low*

and as always, my peepers were on the look out for bags or any baglike things. although there were no chanels or marc jacobs back in da days, renaissance fashion seems to indicate that small pouches or leather bags were hawt. see anything you like? they kinda remind me of the silk pouches that japanese women carry on their wrists when they are wearing their kimonos.

here's a dude with his pouch. i wonder if these pouches were the medieval equivalents of fanny packs. what say you?

whatcha put in your pouch sir?

boobies and bags oh my!

great things to look at. this gypsy dance was probably my favorite out of the whole lot.

pretty fun for a medieval day in irwindale.

COACHella

here is a coach bag. you can get one almost anywhere now. coach stores, department stores, online. but please don't get THIS particular bag. it's a quilted mesh mash of ugliness. but if you do, i don't know you:

this is COACHella...not a bag and way cooler. you can only get this at indio, california (the armpit of the golden state). it was hot, stanky, but important to me.....

because i got to see the yeah yeah yeahs perform. ow! because the new album is pretty fresh. because karen o is an amazing performer. because i've been a long time fan....here's karen on the jumbotron since we got there pretty late and booked ass to a mob of sweaty men. we squeezed to the middle as oppose to the front. i had a huge behemoth of a dude slick with sweat to my back. it was worse when i sometimes felt his prickly arm hairs brush my arms when we got jostled.

and this is a bag o' weed. it is mandatory for you to smoke it up at coachella. i'm not a fan of the ganja, but i stank like i did. it is pretty common to smell it everywhere when you are at these types of venues. i especially love it when they smoke right next to you and you get it blown into your face. yes, second hand pot smoke kills as well. bastard.

i also saw ass...literally. look, i know you're going to think this is a fat girl's rant about skinny chicks, but it is not. i know the weather is hot. i know your body is tight. i know this...you make it obvious because you prance around wearing absolutely NOTHING. i can respect that you are proud of your body and you may get a free drink or two from it....but PULEASE stop your whoreish dancing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. instead of enjoying the cure, i had to look at your stupid jiggly butt. you suck. wear some pants damnit!

i also saw a fire snake...did you think bbq too?! some overall cool things displayed there and some neato dresses for sale. good visuals at coachella minus the overt nakedness you see running about.

coachella was most definitely better than a coach bag.

doggy bag

getting charlie meant an excuse to get a whole slew of accessories...not. but it led me to think, if i can pamper my foul smelling cracky poo puppy with something that's not food or toy related, what would i get...BAM, a BAG of course. how about a dog carrier bag so he can ride in style?

jessica simpson likes to rock her doggy in a louis vuitton:

seriously, i never understood why people buy designer gear for their dogs. is it for you? or for the dog? does the dog even care that he's sporting a l.v. tag or a coach collar. no. do you care? probably yes. well, some have said that dogs are just another type of accessory....

now, i'm not ghetto enough to put my puppy in one of these when i need to transport him:

so i think i'll just stick to doing this:

even though this bag is pretty cute:

merging my food love and my puppy love. ahhhh....

how about a piece of bag?

vakay. ahhh...it has graced my presence once again. typically, i'm working like a fiend during my vaykay time, but once in a while, other folks want to work like a fiend as well so i'm out of a job during my 6 weeks break. not a bad thing i guess since the last time i had too much free time on my hands, i got into yelp, bought my wee house, and now am a puppy mommy. dang i'm productive! life works out that way too, i suppose when what i should really do is catch my breath and breathe deeply when i'm suppose to. even if that means turnig into a sloth with an increase in pants size.

let's celebrate bagnatic's vaykay with a purse cake! i saw this while i was at diamond bakery in monterey park. it actually doesn't look delicious at all...perhaps it would be more scrumptious with double c's on it as oppose to this convict tag. it also looks like a granny version of the louis vuitton speedy style. who wants to eat?!

eld 1

my bag whore ways have been traded in for boring teaching days. i've been a school marm for the past 10 days now...ahhh....my soul has been sucked out of me once again. no, don't get me wrong. my kids are super cute and i like them a lot....i think it's just the hum drum of teaching and the same routine of feeling "stuck" in the classroom. i'm just getting bored i think...you know, the dreaded 5 year itch that teachers talk about. seriously, i think i need a new challenge and changing grade levels probably isn't the answer either. perhaps i need to really go on a vaykay next time instead of teaching intersession...but then again, how else will i support my bag whore ways AND my wee house? my priorities sure are screwed up :)

anyways, to commemorate me teaching once again....my REAL identity as oppose to this bag whore one, i would like to show you this fug tote that marc by marc jacobs actually tried to sell to his minions. it's called the "new standard supply tote." i think it's hilarious....reminds me of the scaffolding you would need to provide to second language learners when they access english...you know, label everything in the classroom. like a chair would have a card that says "chair," a clock would say "clock," and his tote says "tote." ugly right?

happy halloween!

happy halloween ladies!! did anybody dress up for this ghoulish holiday? how about eating some candy corn at the very least? pumpkin spice latte at starbucks? well, however you decide to celebrate this frightful day, bagnatic would like to celebrate halloween with pictures of a disturbing bag: the HEAD BAG (yes, i AM a dork, you can go ahead and say it.....).

"Yael Mer designed these ‘Head Hand Bag’, which are inspired by the biblical story about Judith and Holofernes and its visual representation from the Renaissance. Each bag tells its own story."

this is the story:

head 1: so, how did you lose your head?
head 2: umm, my chariot was going too fast so my head got sliced off by the wooden bridge overpass. how about thou?
head 1: i had an illicit affair with the master's wife and got caught. that wasn't the only head of mine that got cut off if ya know what i'm sayin' *wink*
head 2: tmi
head 3: could you guys shut up please?! i'm trying to get some shut eye here!

hey wait a minute...are these ethnic heads?! where's the yellow one?!

imagine this could be YOU, rocking a head bag!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

smooches,

bagnatic;)

preventing the abyss

large bags are in. you would think this wouldn't be the case since it's been "in" since at least early 2007. what happened to fickle fashion and getting outdated quickly? well, lucky for you if you are a big bag lova. you're still safe if you are carrying your FBI body bag sort of bag. apparently, the bigger the handbag, the better.

courtney cox with her big ass red snakeskin "bird bag."

angelina jolie with her anya hindmarch tote.

gorgeous chanel croc tote. huge effer though.

now, if you can carry off such a behemoth of a bag, then i have to wonder, HOW THE HECK DO YOU FIND YOUR THINGS IN SUCH A LARGE BAG??!! some designers are considerate of this fact and sew pockets on the insides of the bag for your cell phone, keys, etc.... but others do not. i guess if you were planning to carry such a huge ass bag in the first place, the designers probably assume that convienence isn't your main priority. lucky for angelina and courtney, there is a solution to this: the purseket. yep. an organizer for your big ass bag.

"The Large measures: 8" high from top of key post x 36" long. It wraps around inside to line the purse with 8 gusseted pockets. Fits canvas totes, carryalls, travel bags, large purses, beach bags, diaper bags with 15" min. opening x 8" min depth. 8th pocket is 6" wide & has velcroed flap which can be tucked behind the Purseket when not needed. Bulky items, eg. wallets, makeup cases, dayplanners, sit in the middle of a clean purse."

um, i have a few big bags myself, but i think the purseket is tacky. i know it's practical and all, but i can't get over how "pocket protectorish" it all seems. you know, GEEKY. it just seems ick to open your big ole chanel or marc jacobs to find one of these things in there. i don't mind digging around my purse for my wallet and keys. would you pursket your purse? it's $22 for a large, $20 for a medium, and $18 for a small. OR, you can take that money and get a froyo, yo. i pick option B.