large and in charge

i'm fat.

i know this because when i make any sudden movements, my belly will jiggle and my fat upper arms will wiggle...i recognize rolls when i see one, especially the roll i have spilling over my gap jeans.

a muffin top. though not MY muffin top per se. i would NEVER wear camouflage. ok, i admit, i use to rock a camouflage shirt...BUT NEVER AGAIN ALRIGHT. jeez, you guys sure are good at breaking me down!

but then again, i've always been on the "heavier" side of life. i was never stick thin and always wavered between "average" to "pudgy." i recalled only two times in my life that i considered myself thin. that involved some very sad moments that i went through or that crazy period of time when i went to the gym daily right after work because i wanted to avoid the horrible commute from long beach back to l.a.

so now that i'm older, my metabolism has slowed down considerably, and my excuses are a lot more numerous, and finding that drive to thin down will require me to call forth an abundance of will power that i fear has been lost amongst my blubbery fat. ugh.

but i know i should and it's the healthier way to go. too bad my fiance is just too nice to call me a fatass and i've never felt so comfortable stuffing my face with chocolate donuts than when i'm with him who loves me cuz he thinks i'm funny and caring and muy caliente (even though my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly).

speaking of chocolate donuts.......

i SHOULD increase my physical activity level and burn off some donuts, but to be honest with you, that's really tough (i have all my excuses lined up). i WILL try to make healthier eating choices though and perhaps, resist those candies and donuts i sometimes see in front of my face. other than the fact that i'm extremely content and comfortable with who i am after decades of feeling the opposite, i think i will have to do what i can now so i can fit into THE dress and also so i can be physically ready to pop out some babies when the time comes.

life is always a work in progress now isn't it? it's like you can never stop. well, i guess i can, i can stop stuffing face with all them fries. anyways, send me some lucky dust please. if you didn't already know this, i like to eat and this will be TOUGH :(