an apple for the teacher

once in a while, i become absolutely FASCINATED with something that i can't justify purchasing because it's just plain crap, like it will end up in a yard sale kind of crap. but i end up dreaming about it (literally) and then i get it. if that's not a loud message from god (the dreaming part), then i don't know what would constitute as one.

6 months ago, we stopped by a harry and david shop to kill time before heading over to a friend's wedding reception. i saw this cute apple container with a leaf spoon in it and wanted to get it then, but honestly, what would i even use it for? did i hear you say NOTHING? YUP. nothing. it's as useful as a hello kitty sammich press. besides, my kitchen is already cluttered. i really didn't need this apple. really. so i walked away patting myself on my back for executing some will power.

6 months later, i kept thinking about it. not obsessively like single white female, more like, oh, how cute and round and shiny that apple container was and i'm SURE i could have found something to put in it....so when we were out in vegas last week, i saw it again so i picked it up. no denying it this time. it is still pretty useless, but it's as round and as shiny as i had remembered. i put these fancy shmancy salt crystals in them and use the spoon to sprinkle the salt on salads, paella, etc....yup, that's a stretch alright, but i bought it anyways.

weezing out

i would need more fingers and toes than my body has sprouted to count the number of years i've been a weezer fan. methinks at least 16 blue moons. i was rocking out to them in highschool with my walkman as i rode the school bus. walkmans?! remember those?! holy shit right?!

on friday, weezer played at the palladium and we scored tickets to go. instead of being good weezer fans and lining up by 4 or 5 when doors opened at 7, we got there about 6:30. you see, if i was truly hardcore, i would sit my ass down way before it's called for so i can guarantee a spot at the very front. but i'm old now and i don't like the idea of sitting for 3 long hours on the street. nope.

once in there, we stood around for an hour before the opening band played. some old school folks called WAX (dude, i have no clue)...i bobbed my head when appropriate and deleted some old messages from my phone when i got bored. it was an eternity before weezer came out and rivers cuomo did his thang. love this dude...so adorable like a teddy bear though he is 40 years old with a bald spot. but the best thing about being cute and adorable is that you're never too old to be called that.

i tried taking a pic of his bald spot :)

minus the annoying shoving from a wannabe mosh pit that erupted right next to me (OH HELLS NO DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HOW RETARDED THAT SHIT IS), the bumping of very sweaty smelly folks, and shoving a bitch out of my way, weezer played an awesome set!!! a mix of old music and new. they also threw in a few suprises like a guest appearance from chamillionaire (an experiment of weezer meeting hip hop) AND a lady gaga rendition which was hilarious!

listening to weezer made me forget that i was old and that i shouldn't be shoving folks who get in my way. instead, it reminded me of walkmans and unraveling my sweater. good times, good times.

doo bags

my little charlie is by no means a feminine dog. he is a stubborn, smelly, pees off a bike basket kind of dog. it is no wonder that his accessories reflect this "ruggedness." when he does his doo, we use plastic bags that his grandma and grandpops gives us (since my household uses mainly reusable bags when we shop....it also helps that i don't cook anything that calls for more than 5 ingredients. ouch.) this, my friends, is how his doo doo picker upper looks like. i tie two bags (sometimes he suprises me with a double dump, that darn fat belly of his) to his leash and it is not cute, but functional.

but you see, if charlie was a pretty dog. a fluffy dog named mocha, or daisy, or brissa, then the accessories HAVE to be cute...shouldn't it? omg, look at these pooper bag keepers! they are bags in a bag to bag up doo. damn they're so cute!

chanel inspired for the chic dog doo pickers.

polka dots for those of you who like to do the polka when you pick up doo.

and the animal print bag, for the cougars out there walking their cute little bichons.

i'm sticking with the plastic bags that his grandpops gives him though these little baggie holders are SO DARN CUTE!

fishing in a sale

whenever i buy large ticket items like my chanels or most recently, my tiffany diamond necklace, the s.a.'s always send a thank you/"enjoy your purchase" card afterwards (almost a month later though cuz i think they want to make sure that you've kept your purchases and didn't go back for a return or else they would not get credit for the sale which means eff the card!). i'm always tickled by these cards because i normally don't get them until weeks after the fact and when i open that envelope, i'm reminded AGAIN what a spendthrift i can be. whoops.

so that got me thinkin....no, no, no...not whether or not i should curb my spending habits. actually, i started thinking how SMART these s.a.'s are because by sending me a card, they are trying to secure themselves a client for future sales. it makes sense right being that most sales positions are commission based. i be nice to you, i make you feel important, i want you to know i'll always be there for your spending needs...BUY, BUY, BUY FROM ME. smart. i don't know about you, but i like getting service from the same people if i can help it. and if you're friendly and not pushy, i'll stick with you for the long haul. i really don't like talking to a bunch of strange folks all the time and since i'm going to get the item anyways whether here or there, might as well be from a nice person that can use the commission.

just thinking out loud.

yo scp, yeah you know me!

true to my bagnatic name, during this past labor day weekend, i HAD to drop by bottega veneta at south coast plaza to take a looksie. i wanted to see if that dark bramble sloane that my s.a. had sent me pictures of was indeed that elusive scala color that i had once searched far and wide for. funny how memories work, but the color did not wow me when i first saw it again. in fact, i asked her to pull out other bags like the ebano "new ball bag" and an ebano veneta to model because i was over it....UNTIL...the s.a. suggested that we take the dark bramble outside of the store so we could stand under natural sunlight to admire this bottega beauty. oh how the colors shimmered!! oh how my feelings changed!! it's like different shades of dusty pink rose petals weaved into this gorgeous leather bag. the leather is buttery soft too as all bottegas are known for and i found that all my bag thoughts ended in this one word HEAVENLY....it was a truly seductive bag indeed. did i buy it?! ?

no. not right there anyways....KIDDING.

with my tiffany pendant damaged wallet, i walked away. but i looked back every few steps i took like bobby brown or like a lover bidding adieu to her beau at the train station. when will we meet again dark bramble? when? anyways, i roamed about south coast plaza as usual because it is a great place to purse watch, purse stalk, and purse molest if you love leather baggy babies as much as i do. chanels are a dime a dozen there since all you see are rail thin asian chicks strutting about with their chanels...though i must say jumbolicious was the only jumbo hanging around that day and she was fun to tote.

i ran across an interesting art installation...heels made from canned goods. would you rather have this or a pair of christian louboutins?

don't deal me valentino

have you ever met a dealer who tries to hook you onto something else down the road? you know, like "hey baby, try some ecstasy. it'll make you feel good." then it becomes "hey baby, crack ain't whack. why don't you try some on me..." until you find yourself lying in a seedy hotel room faced down in your bile with heroin marks running up and down your arms....yeah, the pusher just pushed you over. ok, i've never done this before, but i have a good imagination.

anyways, another s.a. that i "deal" with only works with me on chanel and have sold me several chanel pieces...but every once in a while, she will send me emails trying to tempt me with another designer:

"Good morning bagnatic, I thought you might enjoy seeing the new Valentino that just arrived. It is very soft and feminine. If you are interested in any of these please give me a call. Thanks from the Pusher"

this time, she tried to push some valentino bags on me:

i don't mean to insult any of you valentino fans out there when i say this, but THESE BAGS ARE UGLY. how do you go from hot totty chanel to granny panties valentino? the ruffles are seasons old and prada has already done it. look s.a., you are cluttering my inbox with ugly bag pictures when i could have saved that space for emails that recommend that i "enlarge my penis" or "get same medz at better prices."

oogly.

stripping down

i've been to a male "strip joint" twice. once in las vegas with a bunch of my giddy girlfriends to check out "thunder from down under" and then to hollywood men for my friend's bachelorette party many years ago. both times, i felt CHEATED yah know. i always expected to see some shlong, but instead, there's a line-up of gayish looking long haired men reenacting some fat housewive's fantasy on stage. gyrating on a motorcycle? um, no thanks. shower scene with your speedo on? ack, nope, not feeling it. unlike the female stripping equivalent where's there titties galore and sometimes some bush, a male stripping show is just a long winded teaser....which leads me to the stripping of my tiffany box.

(cue the porn music...*bowchickabowow*)

"take it off baby... ow!"

"show me what you got in there! ow!"

"don't tease me baby...take it out and show me!"

"oh lord have mercy...you're hard like a rock!"

and it is....this is my mini tiffany diamond circlet pendant in platinum. harder than a rock and oh so delicious.

the end.