a big bag of stressssssssss

i must have pissed off god in the last year because this year, my new class of kids are especially hard to deal with. in fact, if i was told i wouldn't be found legally responsible for my actions, i would probably punch a few of their faces in. yes, teachers ARE human and we DO have emotions and some of us DO like to PUNCH faces. p0w!

i know the hood i teach in isn't the best, i know a lot of them come from broken homes, i know my students deal with a lot of issues outside of the classroom so i try not to shit on their already full plate by being harsh or cruel. i am strict though and maintain an environment of learning because it's important to me that they learn, it is important to me that they don't become another hoodie statistic, it is important that they know how to freakin' read, write, and do some goddamn math!

at school, i am known to be able to keep my shit together and my classroom management is not an issue. but for this particular year, my shit is a bit scattered and feels pretty loose like i just ate a bad meal at denny's and have extremely harsh diarrhea spurting from my ass. so with this new class of kids, their "inherited" free spirit from previous teachers that don't care about classroom management has reared its ugly head on me. i have movers and talkers and most that JUST DON'T PAY ATTENTION. being the nazi teacher that i am, i want you to listen, and practice, and TRY because i want you to GET IT goddamnit! PLEASE don't roam about when you feel like it, PLEASE don't talk to your neighbors instead of listening to my lesson, PLEASE don't play with your eraser in your desk. PLEASE. i said PLEASE! in previous years, i slowly but surely wittle my wiley class down and they settle in and become better learners. THEY begin to bend to my wind like little willow trees because eventually, they decide the howling wind isn't so bad after all and can be soothing, intriguing, perhaps charming at times and they become better learners.

this year, my wind has howled and howled and granted that i've only had 1 1/2 weeks with this new class, i feel beat. beat cuz on top of my usual pool of movers and shakers that have to learn how to LEARN, i have an autistic student who comes in with NO support. HE needs an extra adult to help him other than just me. i have already gone through two 30 minute tantrums, head banging against the wall outside of my classroom, table pounding, loud outbursts, and growls when he doesn't like what i do or say. perhaps if all the 20 kids around him were nice and kind, then i can concentrate my wind one this one child and i would not feel so beat, but alas, the rest of the kids are trouble makers in their own right with a few cute ones sprinkled in so i feel i'm constantly putting out fires left and right. eventually, does the forest just not burn down?

i know a lot of my fellow teacher friends are having a hard year themselves, but they are not blogging about it and i am. ha! so i ask that you pity me for another month at least and deal with my whining and bitching because i'm trying real hard to deal with the frustrations that well up inside me whenever i see my class of kids being disruptive, disorderly, or plain just bad learners. ahhh, and the autistic kid...man, i won't shit on your plate because god has already dealt you a heavy hand, but can you PLEASE decrease your tantrums to 15 minutes at the very least? i am a teacher after all and at the end of the day, i still feel guilty when i don't think my kids are learning and the outbursts and tantrums is making it real hard to learn.

so if you see me wielding this BAG around campus, i can assure you, it is NOT orange juice. anyways, i sit here, at home and totally sick, after 7 days of teaching this new class. phlegm and boogers galore. i can't teach with a pounding headache or a raspy throat so i'm revving up my energy for another go at it tomorrow (well rested and somewhat recovered i hope) even though i feel ashamed that i've already called in sick after only 7 days.

i would like to implement mandatory happy hours this year. who's in?