large and in charge

i'm fat.

i know this because when i make any sudden movements, my belly will jiggle and my fat upper arms will wiggle...i recognize rolls when i see one, especially the roll i have spilling over my gap jeans.

a muffin top. though not MY muffin top per se. i would NEVER wear camouflage. ok, i admit, i use to rock a camouflage shirt...BUT NEVER AGAIN ALRIGHT. jeez, you guys sure are good at breaking me down!

but then again, i've always been on the "heavier" side of life. i was never stick thin and always wavered between "average" to "pudgy." i recalled only two times in my life that i considered myself thin. that involved some very sad moments that i went through or that crazy period of time when i went to the gym daily right after work because i wanted to avoid the horrible commute from long beach back to l.a.

so now that i'm older, my metabolism has slowed down considerably, and my excuses are a lot more numerous, and finding that drive to thin down will require me to call forth an abundance of will power that i fear has been lost amongst my blubbery fat. ugh.

but i know i should and it's the healthier way to go. too bad my fiance is just too nice to call me a fatass and i've never felt so comfortable stuffing my face with chocolate donuts than when i'm with him who loves me cuz he thinks i'm funny and caring and muy caliente (even though my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly).

speaking of chocolate donuts.......

i SHOULD increase my physical activity level and burn off some donuts, but to be honest with you, that's really tough (i have all my excuses lined up). i WILL try to make healthier eating choices though and perhaps, resist those candies and donuts i sometimes see in front of my face. other than the fact that i'm extremely content and comfortable with who i am after decades of feeling the opposite, i think i will have to do what i can now so i can fit into THE dress and also so i can be physically ready to pop out some babies when the time comes.

life is always a work in progress now isn't it? it's like you can never stop. well, i guess i can, i can stop stuffing face with all them fries. anyways, send me some lucky dust please. if you didn't already know this, i like to eat and this will be TOUGH :(

green and chic wedding attire

thoughts of wedding planning sometimes flutter into my head and then i chase them out as quickly as possible because i start hyperventilating. the idea just seems so FOREIGN to me. like hello, i don't even feel comfortable when a group of my friends take me out for my bday dinner! recently, one of the last folks i talked to about my engagement advised me to "have fun" while i'm planning it...but really, fun for me consists of walking around silverlake with my fiance and our dog and then catching lunch at an outdoor cafe. fun rarely involves spending $k of dollars on something i can't even wear :( the last time i checked, i don't believe i can "wear" a wedding.

so how does one keep a wedding on the more "affordable" side? how about making your own dress out of recycled materials? not only will you save money, you will also be kind to mother earth while you're at it. look at this dress made out of plastic shopping bags. i love how the plastic bags were twisted into rosettes.

this dress is made from pieces of newsprint and torn up magazine pages. a schlack of clear binding liquid hardens the dress so the pieces of paper can keep its form. if it was in pure white, would this make an acceptable wedding dress as well?

and if you know about chinese weddings at all, there are multiple outfit changes during the reception. first comes the wedding dress, then the red chinese cheungsam, and finally a gown of your choice. how about this one for the gown portion? funky but chic, don't you think?

so basically, all i really need to do now is to gather all the white plastic shopping bags that i can find and to save all the newspapers that my dad goes through. and the brown bags for the gown? i guess i better increase my shopping sprees to bloomingdales!

but whatever the case may be, a wedding will probably involve an outfit or two right? in my case probably three. i still have a lot of time to decide...and that well wisher is right. i should have a lot of fun while figuring all this out...like how to wear plastic bags in the most gorgeous way possible.

**the first two dresses came from an art exhibit at the l.a. county fair. the last dress can be found at scp's bloomingdales customer service department.**

bag on a bag

funny bag. i think the seller has various kinds of iconic bags printed on these totes. funny, cheap ways of getting a designer bag fix? a poke at luxury madness? i wonder if this is the only way i'll ever get a hermes birkin? if i do, then groceries will be going into this one.

ENGAGED! say whut?!

seriously, my momma can't believe it either. for the longest time, she thought i was a lost cause, a spinster in the making because i never brought a boyfriend home. i would if they weren't so darn old school. with the older generation, dating is not part of their verbage so bringing home a boyfriend was an announcement to the world that marriage was imminent. like book a banquet hall ASAP and call all the uncles and aunts. so for the longest time, i didn't even indicate to my parents that i was even dating, until it got rather serious with the ex. to make a long, painful story short, let's just say that this is not my first engagement ring in my life, that i made a very painful but mature choice, and that things finally ended between me and the ex. i think my mom felt rather devastated for me. that in itself, was the hardest burden to bare.

i think for two years, my momma must have prayed rather hard for me because about a year ago, buddha finally answered her prayers and i started dating my boyfriend, now FIANCE :) he is a wonderful man, caring, kind, and considerate. he reminds me every day that loving someone can be effortless, drama free, and completely mature. i feel so content right now. so, so, content.

we knew we would eventually get married and last weekend, he proposed with the most beautiful tiffany engagement ring. ahh, the dude knows me so well! :)

i feel so, so blessed to have found a great partner in life. and to be spoiled with such a lovely engagement ring is like delicious cream cheese frosting on a spectacular red velvet cake. completely decadent!

being engaged makes me feel so nervous. i don't know if i can handle "wedding planning" when the easiest, most bagnatic thing to do would be to just run off to vegas and make it short, simple, and sweet. ack, but the parental units are involved and the initial convo we've had sounds like a full out chinese banquet to me. i'm thinking the wedding might be in 2011, after i'm offically done with my 2nd masters and we can save a penny or two. but till then, i'll continue to blog about the process, my other loves, and all the other stuff that makes this online outlet my escape route of choice when i need an escape.

*sigh* engaged. what an odd feeling it is. if you haven't already guessed, my momma is THRILLED. in fact, i think she likes my fiance more than she likes me! you should see the lunches she packs for him when we visit my parents on sunday. i know she's already counting down the days till i pop out her first grandkid. 2011 is not sitting well with her at all...to be continued!